Gabriel x Reader - My Light

The clock was ticking silently. Every time it would make a noise, you would cringe. Why? Well, for you, it meant another second in total and obscure darkness. It wasn’t welcome. Hell, it wasn’t even your choice but you just couldn’t push it away, knowing that someday you will be drowning in it. Oblivion… yes, it was something similar to that. Your condition is your biggest enemy you cannot fight because simply, you aren’t strong enough. And the ticking arrows made it worse – the longer they dance across the numbers, the weaker you felt. Incapable, ever since day one. The only thing that might have helped was to smash the clock in the wall, although that wouldn’t be as effective as you wish it to be. Could you just live? No. You were already dead and empty inside. There’s no life in seeing nothing but darkness. The light was a source of lively humans and wonderful opportunities. You, however didn’t get it. No spark of light. How could you possibly believe that God prepared something good in your life? Lies, all lies.

You were resting your head against the soft, silk cover on your favourite plush pillow, one hand under it and other one laying tiredly next to your cheek. You sighed, putting the music volume up on your ear-buds so you wouldn’t hear that technology of pure damnation working not for your benefit. The songs were playing at random and you just hoped to fall asleep that way and sleep away all of your worries, stupidity and dread. The things you wanted to be erased so badly. Before going to sleep you would always think: why do I need to close my eyes if I don’t see anything anyway? Can unfortunate people fall asleep without closing their eyes?

Those questions and many hesitations would haunt you again and again until you would just cry yourself until your immoral thoughts end and dream with a completely blank head.
It wasn’t night-time though. Your gentle skin was hit by the hot rays of an afternoon sun which you never knew how looked and probably never will. It was warming you up from sadness and unidentified irritation. You perfectly knew it wouldn’t help. It was indeed, helpless.

You rolled over, being in the same position and was about to rest when you heard a faint knocking on your bedroom door that was loud enough for you to notice over the sound of music playing. You blinked, immediately sitting up and taking the things out of your ears. “Bobby? Is that you?” You called out, just to make sure. You positioned yourself properly and waited for the person to come in and sit somewhere beside you. “Yeah, yeah, it’s me.” He took your stretched hand into an empty space, instantly calming you down. “You’re home. I’m glad you didn’t get hurt, uncle. How did the hunt go? Were the brothers with you?” You inquired with your usual, quiet tone. “Oh, right! Those idjits nearly got me killed, like the last time. But I am fine, don’t worry. Other than that, you could say we’ve done a pretty great job, killing that werewolf… that son of a bitch. I’m happy it’s over.” Bobby finally let out a chuckle.

You were forced to giggle, as well. “That’s good news, alright.” You admitted. “Uh, anyway, what were you up to while I was gone, _____? Did anything creative?” The man asked. “Absolutely. I went to take a seat outside and smell that rusty scrap metals that you promised to fix long time ago. Very productive if you ask me.” You nodded, not sure whether to him or to dusts which were surrounding you. Bobby took a sharp intake of breath. “_____, you can’t sit at home all day. It’s not good for you. It’s not good for me either because I feel like I can’t help you that way.” He said after a moment. “But you can’t, Bobby, that’s the point. I don’t want to go anywhere with a damn walking stick, people would just laugh, they always do. And I’ve been this way since I was born… I moved on using my own way.” You said, without raising your voice. You just made it a little bit fierce, to prove your point. “Darling, listening to that one depressing song and staring blankly at the walls is not moving on, it’s isolating yourself. That’s bad for health and others surrounding you. You should just go outside and at least breathe fresh air not sit around all day.” You could practically feel him shaking his head.

“I really don’t want to hurt your feelings Bobby because you’ve been like a father to me since forever, nevertheless you don’t have a slightest idea what’s it like to be blind. It’s not being able to see sunlight, see the moon, the stars… see everything you could ever dream of. It’s not as easy as it sounds. I don’t even know how the hell I look. So please, don’t teach me how to live because this isn’t life. It’s my personal hell where I can’t escape from.” You protested, biting the insides of your cheeks and managing to cross your legs on the bed. “And I’m sorry for that. But know this, I won’t let you lock yourself in this goddamn room for the rest of your existence. You need to talk to somebody, not me. Dean or Sam for example.” Bobby said seriously. “They have their own problems. I don’t want to bother them.” You said plainly. “Now you are just being ridiculous, _____.” Bobby accused.

As much as you wanted to disagree, you just couldn’t. Bobby was right, he’s always right. Although you have this one problem that can’t be undone with a snap of fingers. So many times, doctors had said that the operations are useless. From then you stopped believing. There was no good, more of no miracles. You will die, never seeing the bright light.

“Bobby?! You in here?” Both of you heard someone shout with their over-excitable, high-pitched tone. “Coming!” Bobby answered and left the room. You have recognized that sound. It was Sam Winchester, probably with his brother Dean by his side. A rush of sweet relief hit your spine, finally that conversation was over and you couldn’t be happier. Even though it was hard to believe, somehow you were more stressed over that talk one more time instead of sitting 24/7 hours in the house, enjoying the colourful visions being replaced by utter mist. Not that you knew the colours… you didn’t and it was difficult to explain them to you. Half of your life was incomplete, not adding the part of your birth to it. _____, you’re not wasting your tears for nothing. You tried to convince yourself. Not taking it anymore, you inhaled with great struggle and buried your face into your bed sheets. Why am I still here? You thought.

To kill the empty time, you murmured the lyrics of the song in the back of your head. You had to clench your jaw to prevent from expressing unwanted emotions. Those cosmic neon lights when you closed your eyelids gained colours you couldn’t name. Lines, circles and other dodgy edges were dancing in front of you, making things seem crazy and oblivious.

“_____!” The boys called your name once they entered the bedroom. “Oh, hey guys. How are you?” You said still facing the pillow. The words came out slurred and unclear. They both let out a short, enthusiastic laugh. You suddenly wondered what that was all about. “We just missed you so much.” They said in unison. You rolled your eyes, standing up and holding your arms out for them. Without any hesitation, they hugged you. “I missed you too, but that wouldn’t mean I’d drop everything important and come visit that one, wretched mortal.” You pointed out, dismissively. “Really, _____?” Dean said in disbelief. You couldn’t see but could feel his frown, burning into your eyes. “Really, Dean.” You nodded, letting them go.

“Who brought you here guys?” You asked, interested. You assumed that they exchanged glances. There was silence and you didn’t dare to bear it. “Do the honours, Dean.” Sam said formally. “_____, I think that we have an idea of how to get your sight back.” Dean informed. “I never had one, Dean.” You snickered nervously. “Just listen to what he has to say, okay?” Sam said in a smooth voice.
You clenched your teeth but did as asked. The story Dean and Sam told you was quite a long one, and you didn’t understand some of those bits.

His name was Gabriel. At first you thought it was a person. But further into the story you figured out, that according to the Winchesters he was something called an Archangel. Yeah, that was the bit you couldn’t get straight away. So, they had to explain. You didn’t actually believe that they exist. Seems like these creatures of heaven have infinite powers inside of them, can find solution to anything or damage them within a blink of the eye. You definitely needed some time to process every single sentence they said to make it truthful and reliable enough. However, the next thing they said about him wasn’t so nice. He was also a ‘trickster’, whatever that means. And he did reckless things.

Gabriel also owed something to Dean, which of course, was none of your business.
The dark skies vanished after clarity of situation had smashed like a rock into you.
“An archangel?” You turned your head sideways. “Yeah, pretty much.” Sam let out some of the oxygen out of his lungs. “If it won’t work will he make things worse?” You didn’t want to ask this but it left your mouth quicker than you could shush them. There was no answer. Nice, close enough. “Fine. Let him scatter me.” You said after a second, pushing your IPod away.

I am broken anyways. You thought before standing up and holding your arms up for them to help you get near them. “What do I have to do?” You asked, brushing your hands against the leather of the older Winchester’s jacket. “You might want to sit down because we’ll make a mess out of your burgundy carpet.” Dean said normally, pushing you down onto your bed gently. “You know that I don’t know what that means… right?” You raised an eyebrow, and laid down again. You looked up the ceiling, seeing nothing.

While they performed a ‘calling’ ritual your mind couldn’t stop itself but imagine various kinds of situations. One of them was the constant fear of unexplainable and rapid agony you might feel. What if the archangel who is supposed to help will do something bad by mistake? Will it hurt? How much? The other option was him refusing to bring back the light. And you suddenly realized that if he would refuse, you would lose your other half even if you said to Bobby and Dean and Sam that whatever happens you would lose nothing. Because there’s nothing to be lost. You didn’t know what to think or what to do. It was like a punishment. Perdition in your brain, veins, muscles. Seeing wasn’t meant for you. It could be just another thing that you reject as a Christmas present or a legacy from a family member who lived hundreds of years ago. Life was actually better then.

The walls and floor started to shake, to your amusement. “What on Earth is going on?!” You jumped, finally starting to panic. “He’s coming. Stay still, he’s going to be here soon.” Sam said quietly trying to make you less anxious. You didn’t know what to expect from that. He’s going to demolish this house and level it with the ground. The worst thing was that you didn’t see anything. At the moment darkness was the most frightening thing you could ever face. You nearly exploded.

Also, this was the first time you started praying. You cursed and the weird earthquake quit.

“Well, hello! Never thought I would have to see you again, considering that you’ve tried to kill me… twice.” The voice said. The sound of it was too overwhelming for you to function. “Gabriel.” The brothers greeted him, no slightest change in their tones. “And who’s this?” You heard the guy say. “_____, that’s me.” You smiled wryly. An awkward silence spread across the room when Gabriel spoke again. “How rude of you, _____.” The archangel continued, unamused. You glared at the darkness. “What do you mean? Guys, what is he doing?” You shifted your head to a place where Sam and Dean where supposed to be standing.

“He’s giving you a handshake…” Sam trailed off. “Oh God, uh, sorry?” You smiled again sheepishly, standing up and reaching for an invisible hand. Luckily your fingers located a fabric of his jacket. You brushed your right hand gently down the fabric until you contacted his skin. It was so soft, you couldn’t stop admiring it. “Pleasure.” You whispered, swallowing. “What are you doing?” Gabriel chuckled. “I-“ You began but Dean cut you off. You let go of Gabriel’s hand and sat down again, covering your head with your hands in embarrassment.

“Enough of that chatty crap, Gabriel. You’re here for a reason.” Dean spat, annoyed. “Show me a little respect, Dean.” Gabriel said in a low voice. “You owe me, I don’t have to do anything.” Dean demanded, fury in his voice. “I’ll ask you, Sam. Because Dean as I can see, didn’t move from a peasant state, yet. How can I be useful?” Gabriel asked peacefully.

Dean swore under his breath while Sam spoke. “_____ is blind.” He said, all straight-forward. “Oh… I see.” The archangel answered, thoughtfully. Somehow you could feel his gaze on you, causing the heat on your cheeks when you lifted your head up. The atmosphere became intense, you felt a lot. Suspicion, confusion, exhaustion.

“That’s not a problem at all! Sure, I’ll do something about it.” Gabriel said, in a good mood, which you found strange and something else which you couldn’t describe. “What, okay? Just like that?” Dean asked in his manner that you, unfortunately knew too well. “Yeah, just like that. I’m the friendliest out of my brothers. I just don’t understand why my kind heart gets underestimated so much. Every time I try on doing something good everybody say that it’s a conspiracy. Yes, Dean, just like that.” You heard Gabriel snap his finger and let out a sigh of relief. “Okay. Bear in mind that the blade still waits for anguish. You watch it.” Dean warned him in his overrated, threatening way. “Bye, bye!” Gabriel laughed.

A minute passed and the door slammed. “Bobby, you keep an eye on her.” Sammy said and you smiled.
“You alright there?” Gabriel asked cheerily. “Yes… thank you.” You croaked. “Don’t thank me love, I didn’t do anything yet. Thank me later.” He chuckled. You couldn’t help but grin as well. “Okay.” You nodded. Then there was this uncomfortable stillness.

“So are we going to act or not?” He stood up so swiftly you couldn’t even tell. “Is it going to hurt?” You asked, taking his hand for balance. “It won’t, trust me.” Gabriel assured you and you had to believe him. There was something about him that made him trustworthy. Perhaps he’s not as bad as the boys describe him. For you he seemed polite and funny and sweet. Just the right thing you needed now. He’s already a part of light that you aim for so eagerly. “I trust you, Gabriel.” You said, maybe a bit too loud. “You better hold on tight, _____.” He said. “Why? Where are we going?” You asked, all of a sudden, unaware of anything that is going on. “Away from this prison.” He muttered happily and grasped your hand smoothly, making you flinch. It wasn’t a bad flinch, it was one of the good ones.

His wings fluttered and you were caught being tangled in his embrace. His scent was indescribably suitable for your senses of smell and probably for the first time, you felt undeniably safe and secure. “I feel protected around you.” You murmured one statement you certainly thought wouldn’t say anyway. You constantly say things that are not supposed to come out. “Then I’m your new angel guardian, sweetie.” Gabriel cackled. You could feel yourself blush.

You almost hit the wooden floorboards once you touched tit with your feet. The archangel steadied you. “Where are we?” You asked, driven by curiosity. “It’s a theatre. It’s abandoned, but I made it look like my favourite destination to bring gorgeous humans like you.” You could swear you felt him crack an adorable smile. It was utterly heart-breaking to not see the place as you could not imagine how it looked. And you were a hundred percent positive that Gabriel is as handsome as he sounds. The fact that he referred to you as ‘gorgeous’ already meant the world to you.

“Cheekiness is one of your priceless traits, I see.” You forced a wide smile. “Nope, that’s just me.” Gabriel replied. “Please, sit down.” He took your hand again and led you towards the chairs. You stretched your left arm to feel the leather and sat down after positioning yourself properly.
“Tell me about yourself, _____.” You felt his gaze on your face. He sounded so innocent. “Is this a part of your treatment?” You wondered, lazily. “You can say.” Gabriel sat down next to you and put his arms on each sides of his seat. One of them was next to yours.

You thought for a long moment of what you would say. Should you lie despite having a feeling of pure guilt or answer truthfully ruining this joyful moment? You were possibly looking at the floor now, or at the back of the other chair, you weren’t entirely sure.

“There’s nothing much.” You decided to say, pushing all the most important details further into your harmed head. “Dig a little deeper.” He pressed, concentrated. You just couldn’t understand why he was so interested and out of the blue your thoughts flew back home, where Bobby was apparently freaking out and lost in considerations of his upcoming actions. “I was born blind. My parents denied me as their daughter, Bobby had to take me in. Here I am now, talking to you.” You shrugged. “You don’t look sad, _____.” He said, misunderstood. “I never was because I never had a chance to talk to them. Bobby was my mother and my father.” You smiled, weakly.

“There are so many years ahead of you, and as an angel guardian, I predict happiness.” You felt him smile again. “Can I have one in return?” You inquired. “Anything.” He tapped onto the leather with his fingers. “Do people see your wings when they meet you? Are they scared of you?” You asked, bringing your knees up and resting your arms on top of them.

You felt his breathing somewhere close. You had an urge to feel his facial skin, to touch his lips with your fingertips, to feel his hair. Oh, that would be just unforgivable, but that unexplainable effect this archangel had on you was too much to handle. A couple more moments and you won’t be able to hold yourself together. Oh, it was wrong… so wrong because you can’t see his eyes. And you were too weak to imagine because no pictures would form in your head. You were not responsive to the world’s creations. You had no idea how everything looks from the third person’s view. You held your breath, waiting for his response. He inhaled and snorted.

“It’s not how it works. People can’t see our wings no… certain people can. First of all, they don’t even know we exist, which makes it easier for us to be around them and protect them from dicks like demons, or my brother, Lucifer, in that matter.” Gabriel blurted out. “So the myths are true? He was thrown out of heaven like the holy books say?” You asked. “He’s in hell.” Gabriel said in tranquillity. One thing you could sense was his disappointment, as if it wasn’t really the question he wanted you to ask him. This angel was so bewildering and fascinating at the same time.
“Gabriel?” You asked, turning to his side. “What is it, _____?” The angel inquired. “Before you start… can you tell me what colour are my eyes?” You blink, desperately seeking for the light at the end of the tunnel. “Your eyes? Your eyes are…” he stopped and you instantly became anxious if something was wrong. Were your eyes not normal? What if you didn’t have any and that’s why you can’t see him or anyone else?

You felt his hand on your cheek. The touch was electrifying. Later, his fingers travelled until they landed on your chin. Two of those fingers gripped it gently and you felt him coming closer to you. The feeling was amazing. “Your eyes are the most beautiful shade of (colour) in universe, _____.” You chewed on the insides of your cheek wondering how that colour looked. Was it truly as lovely as his voice made it be?

“I need you to close them and concentrate elsewhere. If it will hurt, tell me, okay? Be honest.” Gabriel informed, placing his hands near your temporal lobe and began murmuring something in a language you didn’t have enough knowledge to recognize.

At first you didn’t feel anything, just a faint stinging near you eye area. Not so long after you could sense the heartbeat in your ears. It was pounding violently. Slowly, the pain started to rise but you kept your mouth shut. It was as if something stuck needles and turned them round and round until you found yourself bleeding. You clenched your teeth, yelping. “Does it hurt?” Gabriel asked in a hushed voice. “N-no.” You stuttered.

“I can feel your agony, you’re screaming inside, don’t lie. If you want me to stop, I’ll stop. We can try this some other time.” He said. “No, no, it’s fine.” You shuddered, keeping your eyes shut, not even breathing. It continued for what it seemed like centuries. You tried to keep strong, kept yourself from screaming and yelling out. You felt that you were able to control, because you didn’t want Gabriel to panic.

Now you thought about what he had said in a topic of wings. Certain people can see it. Do they learn or is it the angel who shows the wings to humans?

When you were a little kid, Bobby had taught you how to draw wings. He described them as wide, set with feathers and as soft as fleece. And you loved that material. There would be hundreds, if not thousands of feathers in one side and then afterwards, the other. Ever since then you wished to experience it with a simple, swift touch. When you were hugged by Gabriel you didn’t feel anything at all. Yeah… you were not that certain person.

In a split of a second you saw something. Like a ray of light, getting brighter and brighter it actually hurt. It was almost blinding. Then the corners of your eyes started to form some kind of furniture. Chairs. The colour was dark, you didn’t have a name for them. It all came from the corners.

When it reached the middle you gasped. Gabriel. And he looked like an angel. The smile so wide and irresistible, those eyes, warm and rich colour. You sucked in your breath.

“Can you see me now?” He smiled with perfectly set teeth that truly, flashed. He was so beautiful. And from his back, you could catch an extraordinary shape of something similar to fairy dust from tales. “I can see you now, Gabriel.” You pressed your lips together, tiny smile.